Another day, Another appointment

Yep - Acupuncture again today. I'll be a pin cushion in a couple of hours and I'm excited about it.



I'll check back in after the appointment. Hopefully I have similar results as last week - or maybe even better results. Here's hoping!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Alec

so very grown up now...

Happy Wednesday everyone!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Or is it?

So I'm going to post pictures of me during this journey with Bell's Palsy. This is *not* a pleasant thing to do and I'm scared to death. It's akin to walking around completely naked and hoping no one laughs. I need to do this though. I feel like this is part of my emotional healing process; me facing my fears. And right now the mirror and how others see me are 2 big fears.

So first off a before picture of me....ready?

So then 1 week after my daughter was born I woke up with Bell's. All of a sudden half my face didn't work. At all. And after about a week it looked like the right side of my face was sliding off my skull. Seriously.

I didn't allow ANY photos of me during that time because it was so awful. I didn't get the nerve up to keep a photo I took of myself until 3 months into this experience. This photo is from September 2009. I can, at least, smile by this time. The right side of my face is still obviously affected but it was SO MUCH BETTER by this time. You can tell my right eye still doesn't want to work and my smile isn't totally correct yet - but we are getting there.

 This next one is from October 2009. I was 4 1/2 months in at this point. Excuse the makeup and such but this was taken on Halloween; I had a vampire costume on and full makeup (I was trying for normalcy here even though I still looked wonky.) So you can see that my right eye is getting better - it isn't totally perfect yet but it IS better just from September. However this is where we start to enter residualville. If you notice - the right side of my mouth is kinda pulling upwards and so is my right nostril. It isn't that bad here yet but this was just the beginning.

This next photo is from November 2009. Not a great picture, I had been crying right before this so my nose is all red. Again, my eye is better but still not normal. Also you can really see that the right side of my mouth is pulling upwards now, as well as the right nostril. I can't do anything about that - it is involuntary. The muscles have become hypertonic - after months of being lax now they are receiving nerve signals and pull constantly. It is way worse when I close that eye. I'll see if I can find a picture of that too. This was taken on Thanksgiving Day and at 5 1/2 months into Bell's Palsy.

This photo is from about the second week in December. Not so different from the last picture. I took it on my 6th month anniversary with Bell's. It seems I hit a sort of "plateau" with my recovery here. I am better here but still....off.






This photo is from the first week in January. I took this at 1 week shy of 7 months living with Bell's.

This is still January 2010 and is a photo (taken at the same time as the other one) of my residuals. This is what happens when I try to close my right eye. You will notice how much the right side of my mouth pulls. I have zero control over that. The nerve evidently re-connected wrong. It sucks out loud ya'll.

This photo I took last week - still a bit off but better. This was right before I left for my Acupuncture appointment. My eyes are almost the same size again. Although I think one of the damn residuals is that now instead of my right eye being too large it's actually becoming smaller than the left. *shaking head* This is the craziest condition ever I think.




And this is the same day/time but with my eyes closed to show the residuals. My mouth is still pulling upwards but not as bad and my eye is closed. Now I'm having to really try to hold my eye closed but it's so much better than it was.




This is me today. I just went and put my contacts in (I have not been able to wear my contacts in almost 8 months) and put makeup on. Still not normal yet but so much better. I see improvement just from last week. I am 4 days shy of having had this damn shit for 8 months. Here are the places I still need to heal: my mouth - I still can't pucker my lips or really control my top or bottom lip on the right side, and the top of my eye/forehead - I can't raise my right eyebrow or wrinkle the right side of my forehead.
I would like the residuals to go away. The one that causes my mouth to pull upwards and the newest one - the dimple on my chin. See it? I don't actually have a dimple but now the muscles that connect there have also become hypertonic and pull constantly in two different directions causing the weird dimple. *sigh*

BUT I'm hopeful. I'm working at accepting me the way I am. Some days I am considerably better at it than others. Today is a good day and I'm hopeful. There is improvement and I am holding on to that. Maybe. Maybe it will still come back. Baby steps. And courage in small doses.

I'm a Believer

No, not the song written by Mr. Neil Diamond and made famous by the Monkees. I am a believer in Acupuncture.


I had Acupuncture done on Wednesday and here is what I can tell you about it and about me.

I HATE NEEDLES. I hate needles with a sort of fervor that borders on phobia. Whenever I have to have an IV inserted it is really a Very.Big.Deal. if I do not, in fact, pass smooth out. I still have to MAKE myself sit still and breathe deeply during a blood draw or shot. Actually during a blood draw not two years ago I DID pass smooth out.

This brings us to Acupuncture; lots of little needles sticking out of my FACE (of all places) making me resemble that disgusting movie personality Pinhead. (I hated this movie. It is the only movie that I have ever gotten up and walked out of - true story - I digress.) I should have been wigged completely out. Except I wasn't. I kept expecting the panic, the DREAD feeling to descend upon me as the appointment day drew closer: 2 days before, the day before, the day OF. But I woke up Wednesday morning and still I didn't feel it. I kept waiting for it to arrive, but no, it just never showed.

So I got there and was still relaxed and we started and she was doing deep massage on my back and shoulders and telling me I was "very blocked" and I felt a sort of *pinch*. I asked her what that was and she said, "Oh, it's the needles." I said, YOU PUT A NEEDLE IN MY BACK? She said, "Oh ya, there are lots in actually - you OK?" Shocked, I told her I was fine. I had only felt that ONE. Evidently my back was a pin cushion and I didn't even know. Before too much longer I realized she was massaging my entire back and I inquired about the needles; because how could you massage if there were needles back there? She said, "Oh, those have been out a few minutes now." Again - I wasn't even aware they had come OUT. WOW. I turned over and this continued on my face. She told me if I was scared of needles to keep my eyes shut. I did for a bit. These I could feel as they went in, well, maybe half of them I could feel - the others I didn't have any sense of at all. I opened my eyes to see little needles - like trees all around my right eye - on my eyebrow, forehead, upper cheek, and it stuck with me that they sort of swayed if I moved or spoke. It didn't scare me a bit. And it didn't hurt. On some of them I felt a pinch for literally 2 -3 seconds - and then nothing. No pain whatsoever. I also had no sense of when they were removed.

Right after the procedure was over I *did* notice a difference with my face. There was significantly more blood flow to the side affected by the Bell's Palsy (the right side), which was what she intended. And the hypertonic muscles by mouth seemed more relaxed and I could definitely raise my right eyebrow more. Since then those results have faded a bit but I have lots more hope; I believe I could see some improvement and that I will continue to see improvement. Also, the day after my back and shoulders were very sore, even so I slept very well that night and last night I got good, deep sleep. I woke up today feeling WONDERFUL. I've also been markedly more relaxed and HAPPY. I have not had another headache and my face has not hurt much since Tuesday night.

Is it the Acupuncture? Is it the massage? Is it the prayer? I don't know. It is probably some combination of the three. But whatever it is I am thankful for it. And, for a change, I feel GOOD. I really think I forgot what it was like to feel good.

So thank you - to my wonderful friends sending their prayers and energy, to my amazing Acupuncturist/Massage Therapist for her abilities, and to the Divine for allowing me to experience all of it.

Today is a musical day for me. I have always felt like my life had a soundtrack (that is another post to come) and big moments in my life have had some sort of song attached - at least in my mind. I'm going to leave you with a few words from the song that's been stuck in my head since yesterday...In the immortal words of The Rolling Stones...
You Can't Always Get What You Want
But if you try sometimes
You might just find
You Get What You Need.

Enjoy...

Wordless Wednesday

I

love

them




Happy Wednesday!

Do you feel it?

Today is Imbolc. It holds the first whisper of the coming Spring. It knows the secret that Winter will not stay forever. It is a day for New Beginnings. I'm doing what I can to acknowledge this and look forward. Our ground is covered in snow and ice still but I can see that my Phlox is beginning to perk up. And any day I expect to see the first shoots of my daffodils.

In truth, my head hurts too damn much to type anything that would make any sort of sense. The headache belabored me yesterday evening and last night too. I had a respite from it for most of today, however, it seems it is back now. It is very hard dealing with small children when your head feels like it is ringing and splitting all at once. I just wish it would stop. The pain really is something. Impressive even. I'm going to go take an Excedrin. And hope. Maybe make another pot of coffee. And hope. Try not to imagine all the could be's, yet.

The Wheel of the Year turns once more toward what comes next. I would that it was starting differently for me but it is as it is.
Another Imbolc and I am here to see it - this time with a daughter in my arms. This feels right. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am ready for Spring and to see what it brings us - to see what comes next. And so it turns and turns again...

Dealing with an Ice Storm

Didn't mean to bail on everyone but we got this crazy ice storm on Thursday and then it dropped several inches of snow on top of that on Friday. Our power went on Thursday evening and stay off until Sunday afternoon. When the power finally came back on it took until around 9pm last night to get the house warmed up to 68 degrees. My dishsoap was frozen. Most of the contents of the refrigerator had to be thrown out and the household is just 'out of sorts'. It all around pretty much sucked.

Here are some pictures:

Our home and driveway - the limbs of the tree to the right do not normally slope downwards


This limb had fallen against the back of our house - thankfully it finally fell to the ground without putting out any windows



Several piles of limbs we stacked up


This limb landed on the roof of our bathroom



The next 2 photos are from outside my son's school

Oak trees are not supposed to look like this


A stand of trees by his school



It's been a crazy few days. I'm taking today and probably tomorrow to try and get my house in order and then I'll get back to posting. Hope everyone out there is staying warm.

And be grateful every single day for your electricity.